Thursday, March 31, 2011

....

THE BUG BUGABOO CONTINUES...
When last you saw me, Dear Reader, I had my face pressed against the glass entrance door of the Dodson Bros. Exterminating Company in Richmond, Virginia, with eleven question marks in the form of undecipherable bug-like dots wrapped up in a trash can liner inside my purse.

My Yard Man was beside me as I moaned, "Oh, no! I can't believe it-- there's no one here! NOW whaddle we do?!"

That's when he, too, tried the door and found it locked, then leaned in for a face-smooshing look-see, as well. "Hey, there IS someone here! It's the really dark glass..." he exclaimed. And when I looked again, sure enough--I could see a shadowy figure approaching the door.

Oh! Reader Dear, the sound of that bolt snapping back in the lock gave me hope for yet more good fortune! The Yard Man and I were ushered into a warmly-lit, wood-paneled office, where it seemed that all occupants had been waiting-- just waiting for our arrival! At least the two women, and the man who walked in from a back room, greeted us in a friendly and interested way. What could they do for us?!

"Well," I said, hoping this wasn't going to sound too silly, "I don't know if this is something you can help us with, but we're from out-of-town, and we spent the night in a motel...these little black things...blah, blah, blah...brand new grandson...blah, blah... (I'm afraid, Dear Reader, that I went into far more detail than that Yard Man would've, but he prefers that I play the fool if there's a scintilla of a chance there will be one!)

Whatever Dodson brother it was who looked down from his portrait on the wall, these employees did him proud!
No one laughed at our bug bugaboo, or scoffed when I opened the paper. "We'll get you our bedbug specialist," they said. " She just happens to be here, and she knows all there is to be known about bedbugs!"






















And sure enough--when she entered the room with a big smile, her long dark hair neatly braided in a ponytail, she did appear to be an expert. Everyone in the office was curious to hear her verdict.


She put her hand-held microscope to work, and did some serious scrutinizing. (Ah, ha! She didn't slough them off as a silly fear--"You thought THESE were bedbugs?! Ha-ha.")
Of course, then, Reader Dear...I was nervous!







Oooohh, n-n-nervous. Come back tomorrow;
It's a little hard to talk right now--I'm holding my breath!
.....
.....

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

......

SO THE YARD MAN AND I HAD TRAVELED to Richmond, Virginia, to see the new little celebrity. We were smitten! Our son had to say such things to the two of us: "Okay, now I believe you've had him long enough; time to give....(the other one) a turn!" We were like overeager kids with a new toy.

We ran out to buy a few things for the little guy, and we went ahead and reserved a motel room for the night. Well, it was The Yard Man who steered the car into the parking lot of the Super 8 Motel and came out with a key card for room 218. "Did you take a look at it first?" I asked.

"Take a look at the room? No," said the man. "It'll be fine!"

"Well, I hope so," I sighed. "Just so it's clean!" I quietly considered the possibilities. " Oh, and doesn't have a bad odor...you know, that real strong scented air freshener stuff. Ugh. I sure hope it smells okay."

We had a nice evening celebrating our grandson turning eight (uh, days, Dear Reader, eight days!) and then we made our way back to the motel. Trotting up the carpeted stairs behind The Yard Man, I studied the accoutrements warily. Everything looked passably clean. And when we opened the door and entered the room, thank goodness, it smelled finely odorless.

But there was one more circumstance upon which this night's lodging pended. When we 'd stopped earlier and reserved the room, I'd plumb forgot one must always consider the possibility of bedbugs. I only thought of it when we had gotten back to Only Son's house and mentioned where we planned to stay. "Oh, my goodness--bedbugs!" I'd exclaimed. "There might be bedbugs!"

"Just check for them,"
had suggested the new mother,  "You can see them. They look like crumbs in the bed."

So now I went straight for the nice big king-sized bed and threw back the covers. Ahh...nothing but clean white sheets! We could rest in peace!

And thus we did.
Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-z-z-z-z-z-z.....

Next morning The Yard Man opened the curtains and sunshine flooded the room. He plopped into the upholstered chair by the window and remotely flicked on the TV. I was still in bed, but had thrown off the big slippery spread, thin well-worn blanket, and top sheet. The expanse of sheet we'd slept upon was a white sea around me......and that's when I happened to spy a black speck. Hmm. My eyes roved slightly, and I chanced upon another. And, gasp, another!

"Look here!" I said to The Yard Man. "I'm finding little black things--stuff--something! This might be bedbugs!"

"Ah, not likely," he responded. He wasn't even curious to see. He was watching some political pundit pontificate about a blathering by Donald Trump concerning the president's birth certificate.

"Well, here's another," I said. "Oh, and this one...!" My heart sank each time I spotted yet more. But they were so tiny--these little critters. Were they critters? I squinted and studied. They didn't all look exactly the same, but all were too small to be identified. "I've got eight or nine of them here! What if they ARE bedbugs?! You know we can't go back to the little grandbaby's house if they are! That would be dreadful!"

I showered and dressed, then nervously stuffed every piece of our clothing that had touched the bed or the floor into the plastic liner I pulled from the trash can under the bathroom sink. "Now ...what are we going to do?" I asked The Yard Man. I'd picked a couple of the black dots off the sheet and transferred them to the windowsill.

The Yard Man examined them. "It's probably just little pieces of dirt," he said. "This one here looks like maybe a tiny piece of fuzz."

"I have a small magnifying glass in the car, I think. Or maybe there's one in my purse..." I was rooting through my bag full of daily necessities--(amazing how many!) "Aha, here!" Peering intently through the card with the magnifying panel and the printed admonition: Take time to pamper yourself today, we couldn't make out much more than before. Except that suddenly
The Yard Man saw one of the specks move. He got a stub of a pencil from the night table where it lay beside a Super 8 note pad. Nudging this particular crumb with the point of the pencil as we both bent over the magnifying lens-- it jumped!

"Could be a flea," said the yard man. But was it? And what of
the others?! What were we going to do?! Clearly, one or more of these questionable smidgens was a living creature!

"Well," suggested The Yard Man. "We could find an exterminating company and stop by there...why don't you go online and look for one?"

"Can't do that," I said. "Didn't you hear me say last night that I couldn't connect--even though they told me at the front desk they have wi-fi." But it was a good idea. I tore two sheets from the Super 8 notepad and scraped together the small cluster of possible bedbugs. I folded them carefully into one of the pages and wrapped the folded up page carefully into the plastic liner I swiped from the trash can near the night stand.

"We could look in the phone book,"
was The Yard Man's next idea.

Well, okay. But I was very aware of time passing. If we left the motel right now, we'd only have an hour and a half with the grand grandbaby and his parents before they had to leave for their first post-hospital check-up. "The phone book?!" I protested. "We'd have no idea which company is closest! And no idea how to get there! By the time we found the place..."
But The Yard Man was already on his way out the door--heading for the front desk. He had his overnight bag in hand. "Bring all your stuff with you when you come down!" he said.

And what a guy! By the time I made it down to the motel lobby, there he was with a printed-out sheet--Dodson Bros Exterminating, and all the details to find them!

"Wow, how'd you manage that?" I exclaimed as we headed for the car.
"I just went to the front desk and asked if they could give me the name of an exterminator," said The Yard Man. "She looked up the closest one and printed out this sheet for me."




I giggled. "Do you suppose she had any idea why we'd want one? Oh, open the trunk, would you? I'm not putting anything we had in that room inside the car until we know!"



This was turning out to be a great solution to our quandary. As horrible as it would be to discover I had bedbugs tucked inside my purse, at least we would know. We wouldn't have to forgo seeing our grandson again just out of uncertainty.

Now I was on the edge of my seat--I would be navigating, and there was no time to waste driving around the city--lost.




We did quite well, missing only Hull Street--and not having to backtrack far. With relative ease, we found it--Dodson Bros Exterminating Company!

We didn't waste any time parking, running eagerly to the entrance door.
But......no. No! The door was locked! I leaned in to peer through the glass, and it was dark inside! This couldn't be.

Ah, Dear Reader, what now?!!I'll have to leave you pondering this, same as we are.
It's just too much for me at the moment.
Are we going to have to drive
straight home without
saying goodbye to
our darling new
V.I.P.
simply because we don't know?!

Even worse--when we
finally do find out--arrgh,
if they're actual, awful
bedbugs!
...

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

......

I'VE MADE THE ACQUAINTANCE OF A NEW V.I.P! Oh, I was star-struck to meet him! It had seemed a long wait, but yesterday we finally shook hands! He gazed at me intently as I rubbed his head and examined his feet. (It's my typical celebrity greeting, Dear Reader--when I'm a privileged fan!) I babbled and gushed and effused and enthused...and he looked calmly on.







I immediately wanted to speed a new movie into production, and give him a starring role. "I'm sure you can do it," I whispered. "I'm looking for a cherubic infant, darling and adorable. Actually, you have lots of leeway in the role. Just be yourself and you'll far exceed all expectations!"

video

(Dear Reader, he did so well that I made loads of movies...sequel after sequel. I'm sincerely regretting the fact that distance will limit me from featuring him as often as I'd like in the future. Yes, indeed, he's a movie-maker's dream! (A grandmother's, as well!)

Sunday, March 27, 2011

......



I HAVE AN OLD FRIEND who was here to see me today. She came with her husband to visit the yard man and me. Because they arrived a bit earlier than expected, she took over the job of peeling apples for the French Apple Cobbler I was in the process of making. Their arrival slowed down my preparations to a snail's pace! (I can't visit and keep my wits about me simultaneously). By the time we had eaten the long-delayed dinner, that cobbler was coming from the oven--hot and nicely browned. I served it up, the yard man added a scoop of vanilla ice cream atop each serving, and my friend took the first bite.
"Mmmm, this is good", she declared. "It tastes just like an Amish kitchen!"

Hmm. Je suis fascinated.
It's supposed to be French apple cobbler. What would give it the taste of an Amish kitchen?

I plum forgot to ask my friend--what does she know about Amish kitchens? She lives in the hills of West Virginia!








Later, while I loaded the dishwasher, she cleaned my big glass salad bowl. She spent a long time at it--fastidiously scrubbing and rubbing every little smudge and fingerprint (just as I would imagine a good Amish homemaker might do). And now! Now it is eye-poppingly shiny. It sparkles like a long and true friendship!

......

Saturday, March 26, 2011

.......

THE CALENDAR SAYS "SPRING!"
but the thermometer says, Are you kidding?! (Temperature in the 30s today and down in the mid-20s tonight)
Plus, it's crazy--our huge stash of oak would make anyone think that winter is right around the corner!

But today the yard man lit a match to the riffraff from the fallen tree, and then hitched up his horses and plowed the garden!

video

Winter or spring?














I suggest you ask the croci, Dear Reader!

......

Thursday, March 24, 2011

......

OH, OH, IT'S AN OLIO! Yes, Dear Reader, what with the thing that came up (down) and the dang-blasted maniacal laugh...I haven't been able to show you much else since the aftermath.

So--here's a little double-feature for you, two movies I put together a few days ago.
The first stars the Little Actor, who has a high old time telling himself NOoooo, but drops his food over the edge of the high chair anyway.

video

And then the second is a sequel--
featuring a small, four-legged maintenance guy,
who comes in to clean up.

video

..............
..............

Yesterday the yard man and I set out for our tax accountant's
office; we had our facts and figures and paperwork at the ready.
It just happened to be the gloooomiest spring day we've had thus
far this entire calendar year. There was nothing about the
weather that would give you any notion of planning
a picnic, let's just say. Or any other outdoor event!
It was cold. gray. rainy.

I was doing a tiny bit of muttering under my breath--
something about how the unpleasantness of the day matched the
unpleasantness of the whole taxation-vexation-botheration.

And just like that, we came to an intersection where a
traffic controller, decked out in rain gear, had set up a
warning roadblock. He was preparing to direct a stream
of Amish buggies approaching from a side road.

"Wow," I said, "I wonder..."
"A funeral!" exclaimed the yard man, before I could finish. "There's been a funeral."

(This yard man of mine is a local expert on the Amish [I'm not sure how local--possibly within a pretty broad radius--but at least within the boundaries of our own property])

"That's something," I said, "they get someone to come and direct traffic." After I took a quick picture (showing only a short stretch of the caravan of buggies), I pondered it briefly. "Would there be any other possible explanation for this many buggies, near noon on a Wednesday? Anything else going on?"


"No, that's it. There was a funeral."
My yard man was confident of his
answer.

I sat quietly as we drove on through the rain, the car's heater turned up to HOT.

An Amish funeral would have included a burial, I thought.

Hmm. Kinda made our unpleasant chore seem like a picnic in the park--
(on a warm and sunny day, of course!)

.............
.............

This is a fair warning, Dear Reader: If you happen to be afraid of bugs--if they make the hair on the back of your neck stand up and holler, if they make your tummy do amazing aerobic feats --you'd better cover your eyes and read no further. Not only is the creature I'm about to show you not very lovable-looking (you know, like the dear little ladybug or the friendly lightening bug), it's got a downright awful nickname: Stinkbug!

Horrors! Just imagine, Reader Dear, going through life being called Stinkman! or Stinkgirl!
Well, at any rate, I'm trying to feel some compassion for these creatures. They are moving in with me and the yard man; they've been arriving for months now--more and more of them every day! They do not seem the least bit finicky as to where they sleep and eat--on floors, walls, ceilings, windows, window blinds, furniture... even bedcovers! The house is filling up. Each one--after it has lived here briefly--twitters to all 357 of its friends: Found a great place! Come, too!

It's getting to be too much, I tell you! My subtle means of showing them they are not welcome have become ever more harsh (think: death penalty!), yet their influx has slackened not one whit!

What to do?! Dear Reader? What to do?! (This is not a rhetorical question!)






That is the end of this olio. Please excuse me while I go sweep up some uninvited guests!


......

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

......

REMEMBER THAT MANIACAL LAUGH, Dear Reader!? It's still reverberating inside my head! Yes, yes...all these days later!! From the time I lifted my bleary-eyed noggin off the pillow on the morning after St. Patrick's Day (and that was very early, I might add, as two of the big white trucks [which, in the full light of day, reminded me not at all of any equine creature, but looked ever so much like great big toys for men] arrived to perform total replacement surgery on one telephone pole, and a backbone alignment on another)...

...uh...from then until now (the most dreary of spring days--with signs of the aftermath looking dismal indeed in the cold gray rain), I've been suffering from Chainsautinnitus. It's a medical term for a condition that develops after: Being awakened four days running by the sound of a chain saw, followed by the intermittent sound of one or more of these beastly things ringing in one's ears for long portions of time throughout consecutive days.

This illness, I'm suspecting, can at times lead rather rapidly to a condition know as Insanity (I believe it's called). There are no known remedies for Chainsautinnitus, but I did my best to alleviate it by playing CDs at top volume, eating a lot of chocolate, and writing my will. (No, no, Reader Dear, I'm only kidding about that! The disease is rarely known to be fatal!)


Of course, while I was suffering from the sound of the chain saw, that yard man of mine had his work cut out for him! He had some of it cut up for him, it's true. But what a job awaited! Good thing he's a yard man and loves a challenge! Super good thing he didn't have surgery on the very day of the downfall!












He leaped into action....
sawed,
clipped,
chopped,
tossed,




hauled,
lifted,
loaded,
toted,
raked,
stacked,
swept,
hoisted,
hacked,
shoveled...

...hour after hour,
day after day.








That's not to say
he didn't have a
little help with
the work!









video
video





but a good bit was done
by the yard man himself.
And he only grumbled,
Reader Dear, on the
rainy days! Geez, I
can't get anything
done when the
weather's like
this!








I'm thinking--
any way you look at
it, this is one great
yard guy!











As for me--chances look good
I'll soon be over the weird
(and fortunately rare)
disease I've got.












This aftermath--
along with the laugh--
is being put in its place!





If I have my way, it will soon be burning in...
uh
...

a fireplace,
of course!

...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

...

I'M ELABORATING. I'M going back in time--to finish up the story of St. Patrick's Day. Something came up...er, uh, I mean something came down...to prevent an earlier telling.

We left Philadelphia, my yard man chauffeur and I, and headed home. Our day in Philadelphia could hardly have been better! The mood at South Street had been an Irish TEN! The weather had shone!

Most of our drive took us through the countryside and the night was glowing, that effulgent moon in the sky shining over the peaceful fields. Yes, I was raving about it all.

And our good fortune stayed with us right up to the driveway of our house, where a big old truck from the power company sat flashing its lights, and the telephone pole across the road reached toward our property at an unhealthy pitch. "Whoa, what's going on here!?" my yard man exclaimed. And, as though in answer, the PPL* truck driver opened his window. "Is this your property?" he asked.

"A really big tree came down from the neighbor's yard!" he explained. Then he added, "It missed the house! It missed the barn! It missed your truck! Lucky for you!"

Now, Dear Reader, I should tell you the house next door is empty. The aunt of my yard man lived there for many long years (she recently went to a retirement home; the house is for sale). The oak tree, however, had lived there for a whole lot more years! Every now and then it would drop a limb, as if to say, "Hey, look out below! I'm getting old! Better have me cut up and cremated before I fall on you!" The yard man knew that tree had to come down, but he'd been delaying.

The guy in the truck told us he'd be back later.
He said the phone company would have to come deal with the tree. They would have to remove at least part of the trunk so that the electric company could get to the transformer, so that they could repair it, so that we could have electric service restored.

Okay, we said. Then we carefully drove in the lower driveway. (Another stroke of luck--we've got a driveway that wraps around the house.) There to greet us was a massive pile of limbs and branches--the former top of the tree.

It was 8:45 p.m.

The house was dark and chilly. I lit a few candles, and we wandered around, instinctively reaching for the light switches. I had to watch the yard man like a hawk to keep his hands off the fridge and freezer. No, no! Keep those doors closed!

We dozed awhile, waiting for rescue. At 10:30 we gave up and went to bed.

At 11:07 the trucks arrived, beeping and flashing.
There was a loud knock at the door. Help had arrived!

video

At first it was exciting--running out into the chilly night (the temperature
had fallen precipitously). There were three trucks, like big noisy stallions, snorting and pawing as they stood at the ready; six brawny knights, their yellow shields reflecting back the brilliant moonlight, their swords (looking so much like chain saws) in hand; the massive tree trunk--that (already dead) dragon to be conquered!

But then, there was much conferring as to strategy,
while the yard man and I stood waiting for action.
I started getting cold. My romantic notions about
knights in armor were getting slayed. I wished to go
inside a warm house with lights and other electric-
guzzling amenities.

video

Eventually, however, the ramparts were stormed--
men swarmed all over the treetop, chain saws
whining. They worked their way up to the trunk,
cutting limbs, tossing small branches.
When they reached the trunk it was 12:23 a.m.

video

The trunk! Even if it wasn't a dragon, we could
see this was going to be tricky! Only one man had
a chain saw large enough to meet the challenge,
and that saw would have to be carefully wielded.
A lot more strategizing had to go on.

"There's just enough weight on there..." My yard
man was giving me a blow-by-blow account of the
dangers these men were facing.

















video

"That's what happens, you see! " he told me
when the saw actually did get stuck.

video

About 2:15 a man in a red sweatshirt showed up.
"He's the boss," my yard man informed me. (He
was just guessing, but I'd deduced the same thing.)

video

Okay, now we were into the wee hours; it was really quite cold outside
(inside, too)!

Lyrics to the tune of the chain saw went something like this:
Did you hear a maniacal laugh?
You're not gonna sleep tonight!
With the falling tree and the aftermath,
No, you're not gonna sleep tonight!
Bwa ha ha!
Bwa ha ha ha!
By the bright moonlight, I know it ain't right,

but you're not gonna sleep tonight!!


video

At 2:33 a.m. the yard man decided he wouldn't
listen to the lyrics. He was going back to bed!

video

I watched the maneuvers a few minutes longer and then
followed suit. And, wow! Amazing to see how quickly
that yard man could start to saw wood, in spite of the real wood-sawing!
But...alas, as for me, those lyrics just kept running through my head!
I couldn't shut them out. Even when the chain saws stopped playing,
the noise went on.

I was wide awake when the little space heater in the bedroom
roused to life, and the lights came on! It was 3:36 a.m.

I gave a great sigh of relief. Now! I thought,
Now I'll go to sleep!

Oh, but...those trucks were still here.
It wasn't until 3:47 a.m. they went
snorting and pawing...er, chugging
up the road.

For a long time after that I lay
pondering the luck o' the Irish!
and wondering what the time
would be, if and when I
finally dropped
off to.....




......

(*Pennsylvania Power and Light Co., Dear Reader--
oh, so fortunately, they own the electric lines!)

Sunday, March 20, 2011

......


TWO MIRACLES TODAY--TWO FABULOUS ARRIVALS!! I can hardly contain myself, Dear Reader! Of course, one of these miracles has been coming along since time immemorial, or at least since Galileo--or whoever the heck it was that named the Vernal Equinox (I don't claim to know). Hundreds or thousands or who knows how many years ago (I don't claim to know that either, Reader Dear) folks knew this one miracle would be occurring on this very day, if the earth still stood!

Yes, springtime arrived in all its glory today! And--as much as I welcomed this new season (I've been longing, yearning, pining for it!)--it was definitely not the pending heart-fluttering arrival that had the yard man and me on the edge of our seats for the past thirty-four and a half hours (or pacing by the phone, or wringing our hands, or saying to each other, "Surely, surely, we'll hear the good news soon!")

No, this little miracle was much more fantastic! This little miracle's name is ARTHUR QUINN, and he came weighing nine pounds and one ounce, can you believe? Such a bouncing big baby boy! The son of the son of the son of my cute little mother-in-law! (Uh, you able to follow that line of tracks, Reader Dear? A brand new grandson for me!!) It pains me so not to see the new celebrity in person, not to have any photos to show you.

But just stay tuned, Dear Reader! When I can finally make that trip to Richmond, Virginia, I'll be able to see him, and you will, too--my fantastic miracle who lit up the world before the sun did this morning!



...

Friday, March 18, 2011

......

MY ST. PATRICK'S DAY LASTED UNTIL 3:46 this morning. It was so lovely and warm and carefree and green throughout the afternoon and evening hours, but then developed into a loud and unruly mess after nightfall--filled with hard hats and the whining scream of chain saws. My nerves are on edge, Reader Dear! So sorry to leave you in suspense (oh, you know that I am!) but I'll have to elaborate later...

......

Thursday, March 17, 2011

...

ERIN GO BRAGH! Which means (and I only know because I looked it up, Dear Reader) Ireland Forever! It can also be translated: Ireland until the Day of Judgment (Yikes!) At any rate, I'm going to tell you about my St. Patrick's Day ups and downs, so I figured that would be as good an opener as any!

Because that yard man of mine was scheduled to have outpatient surgery today, and it was postponed on the penultimate day, I said to him this morning: "Top o' the mornin' to ya!" And then I said, "Since it's a fabulously warm day and you don't have anything scheduled, why don't we go some place fun?!" Which is precisely how we ended up on South Street in the city of Philadelphia, where as well as brotherly love, the love of all things Irish abounded today. There was the wearin' o' green, and the playin' o' bagpipes, and the drinkin' at the pubs!

(There was also the eatin' of a Philly Cheesesteak sandwich by my yard man [which has nothing to do with the Irish, except for the fact that he'd likely dance a jig if that's what it took to get one!)

video

Of course, after we stopped for some Bailey's Irish Cream,
there was the sportin' of green beaded necklaces and shamrock stickers, too. It was all very festive.

And exceedingly warm and pleasant! As we strolled down the sidewalk I suggested to the yard man, "This beats hernia surgery any day, wouldn't you say?!"

video

We took a side trip over to the Italian Market, where I saw lots of food offerings for which I'd never dance a jig,






















although most of the foods I saw there did excite me. And the yard man and I got our own private Olive Oil Tasting.

video


With the taste of olive oil still in our mouths
(and our heads full of olive-oil knowledge),
we returned to South Street to eat supper
at Supper (a restaurant so aptly named!)


Then we called it a day at Philly.
A very good day,
marred only by a parking ticket.
(We shouldn't have lingered so long
over our super Supper supper!)

We set out for home by the
light of a big fat moon.

And, ahhh, on St. Patrick's Day,
we had the luck o' the Irish with us!
(For the life o' me, Dear Reader,
I could never figure out if the
luck o' the Irish is good luck or bad; but either
way, we had it! Our day was not over.....)



...

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

....



I HAD NO IDEA WHEN I DRESSED this morning, I'd be going to a wedding today. Not the slightest clue! I might have dressed up a bit, and perhaps brought a handful of rice. Not to mention a wedding present. I regret I had no gift for Sarah and Jay.

Though I hadn't gotten an invitation to the wedding, I did have another event I'd written on my calendar for today. This was one I myself had scheduled, and my less-than-ideal tenant (who appears to enjoy these confabs we've been having) was invited to attend. At this little meeting with the magistrate, she'd once again be invited to pay her rent. She'd also be re-invited to give her boyfriend a send-off to other living quarters.

I got to the magistrate's office in good time, and my somewhat-more-ideal tenant who lives downstairs from the less-than-ideal one was there to testify. He was there just to say, "Why, of course she's got a boyfriend living with her! He comes and goes every day. Yes, yes...there's no doubt he lives there!"

For a while, it looked as though my less-than-ideal tenant was not going to show up for this current hearing. But sure enough, she got there ten minutes late and slouched in a chair in the tiny room where one bides one's time until called to the judge's chambers. The three of us sat gloomily waiting. We'd already been there fifteen minutes when suddenly the entry door burst open and a small mob of people trooped in, filling the room to capacity. Lo and behold, it soon became clear that one of this joyful group was obviously a bride-to-be! It followed from that--one of them was soon to be a groom, as well!

Dear Reader, my two tenants were not overly impressed by this sudden influx of people and the eager and expectant air they brought with them. But it stirred me to action. I jumped right up and exclaimed to the downstairs tenant: "I'll be right back! I need to get something from my car!" I ran to my car and was back inside the building in a flash! My camera was tucked in my pocket.

"May I take your picture?" I asked the bride and groom, and they obligingly posed. Soon after, the clerk announced that the wedding party could enter the courtroom.

Uh, what? As delighted as I was about the surprising event, I and my tenants had been waiting for a half hour past our appointed time. "Wait a minute!" I said to the clerk. "Wouldn't we be first?"

"Oh," she said. "The judge said this will only take five minutes, and your case will take fifteen. So she'd like to do this first."

Five minutes?! Really? I was fascinated. Of course, I demurred and readily agreed that the wedding party should proceed ahead. The six to eight gathered guests and the couple were ushered into the courtroom and the door was closed.

Well, you see, Dear Reader...then I was curious! And I thought to invite myself to this wedding. The bride and groom had seemed flattered by my picture-taking, perfectly accepting of a stranger interested in their happy occasion.



I slipped through the door and asked the nearest woman if it would be okay for me to join the guests. "Oh, sure!" she said.



For certain, it was the shortest wedding I've ever attended!
(Smallest, too.) A three-sentence meditation. Exchanging of rings, and the vows. If anyone can show just cause why this couple should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.

No one spoke up.





"I now pronounce you husband and wife, kiss your bride!" The judge made it sound like a run-on sentence, and closed her black book as she said it. A ten-second kiss and the whole party was exiting the room!
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Come to think of it, I wouldn't have had time to offer the couple a gift. I'd have barely had time to throw rice. "Congratulations!" I exclaimed, and smiled as the newly-weds left the room. The woman standing near me said, "That was nice of you to be here. Seems like you oughta be signing the guest book or something!"

But the clerk was already saying, "Okay, you can come in now," and motioning to my tenants.

Oh, me. Now I have to turn around and get on with the depressing affair that I instigated.
But, hey... you don't have to turn around, Reader Dear! I'll leave you to continue on into the happily-ever-after. You get to dwell on the five-minute wedding, if you choose, and to ponder the chances of a life-long marriage for Jay and Sarah.


......

Monday, March 14, 2011

......

CLOUDS ARE BLOCKING THE SUN this morning. Sometimes, however, the sunshine prevails--poking through the cloud cover. In much the same way, my optimism at times trumps my pessimistic thoughts. It happens to be my less-than-ideal tenant clouding up my meditations today.

This less-than-ideal tenant, she's the one, Reader Dear, who smiled a triumphant smile when the judge peered over her glasses and intoned, "If you pay, you can stay!"

Well, then...after that decree at the Magistrate's Office, the court had issued me an invitation to rendezvous at the home of this ornery tenant. The date set for it was eleven days later. One o'clock. If the hostess at this small get-together had not paid her rent (nor had she and her permanent guest deserted the place) by that time, I was not to worry. A constable would also be attending the event!

On the appointed day, I'd pulled into the parking lot at one o'clock sharp, my heart doing a little thump-a-dump, curious as to what would transpire! I didn't see any official-looking vehicle, but as I got out of my car, I noticed a great hulking guy climbing out of an SUV. He walked over to greet me. "I'm the constable," he said, and shook my hand. "Has she paid?"

Dear Reader, this situation had filled me with suspense to the very last minute. I'd imagined quite a few scenarios. But now here we were This was it! And the answer was......NO.

The constable and I walked together to the porch and I rang the bell. Just like that, the door had opened narrowly and a wad of cash was thrust my way. "Here's your rent!" my less-than-ideal tenant had informed me. The constable stood calmly by as I counted it out--all that the court had decreed she must pay in order to stay.

"And how about February rent?" I had asked. "It's now the middle of month. Do you have February rent?"

"Nah," she told me, "I'll pay that later."

....

Well, Dear Reader, on this day full of clouds and sun, it appears that my less-than-ideal tenant had a later day in mind than I might have suspected. It appears she intends to pay on a much later day....


...

Sunday, March 13, 2011

...

WILL MIRACLES NEVER CEASE?!

Ah,
Dear Reader,
thank
goodness
there is
clear
and
abundant
evidence

for a
negative
response
to the question!

Furthermore, my yard man and I are sitting in heart-fluttering
expectation of a miracle which, though relatively tiny, will be of
gigantic proportions!

......

Friday, March 11, 2011

......


A LITTLE MIRACLE OCCURRED HERE today on my kitchen windowsill.

















Now, I don't mean to be ungrateful;
I mean, WOW, the miracle of new grape-tomato life!

But (were I to have had a choice) I know I'd be six-point-six times more thrilled were there to have been a little miracle on the floor outside the closet I painstakingly groomed this afternoon (Poof! Sudden disappearance of all items!)

As I ponder it further......(Aaargh, what a job, that grooming!) I reckon I'd be downright delightfully delirious if the miracle had just gone ahead and taken place right inside the closet!

......

Thursday, March 10, 2011

......

TODAY, IN THE STATE WHERE I LIVE,

video

it was so gray and gloomy, wet and windy,
and there was so much rain, that the weather
forecasters, announcers, and commentators
finally brought out the "F" word!

video

And once they got started, my goodness, they
couldn't seem to quit!

video

It got them so worked up and excited, they
somehow veered off into a geography lesson!
(Today we learn the counties of Pennsylvania)

video

Followed by Social Studies, Science and Math!
I was almost expecting they'd tell us about
William Penn. And perhaps explain all
grammatical uses of the "F" word!*


....
*Calm down, Reader Dear,
this time it's FLOOD! floods, flooded, flooding, will flood
...
......
...