VODKA FOR ANTS. IT WAS my quickly invented scheme to rid the house of throngs of pesky invaders. And I promised you, Reader Dear, that I'd let you know how that whole experiment turned out. (Out being the operative word here--as in: crawled out, stumbled out, scurried out, meandered out...one way or another, packed their bags and left my house! Or...[clearing my throat]...got drunk and died in the process!)
Well, I watched the little critters intently after providing that lake of vodka for them. At first they seemed to be clambering after the drink (I noticed a little side group; wondered if they might be setting up emergency AA headquarters, handing out pamphlets on alcohol poisoning). Soon it looked like some were weaving...except, hmm...I believe that's their typical way of walking. It was hard to determine if any were falling-down drunk...(body-build, number of legs, you know).
To tell you the truth, I couldn't tell if this experiment in pest control was being the least bit effective!
Regretfully (you don't know how much I drag my feet on telling you this, Reader Dear), I rummaged around in my all-purpose closet and finally found the equivalent of machine guns in the form of a spray can. I wiped out the whole horde of ants in less time than it takes to say, "Honey, I'm not into this vanilla-flavored vodka! Stay if you want, but I'm outta here!"
And that's the end of that.
(Repugnant Instance of Pest control)