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DEAR BRIDE AND GROOM,

Yesterday I made a trip to Lowe's to pick up the knob that was traveling east from Iowa for your faucet while you were traveling (south)west to Mexico for your honeymoon.

On Monday, Tom, at the plumbing desk, called bright and early to inform me that the faucet's intended was due in sometime soon. But it wasn't until Tuesday that I got the news...the faucet's one and only had actually arrived. So yesterday, after a trip to the store, I was in possession of the longed-for knob, nestled in its exceptionally roomy box, waiting to be joined together with the faucet.


This morning with screwdriver, knob, and the keys to your door in hand, I've come to do the honors. Lest you leap to false conclusions, let me hasten to tell you that someone else has lurked about your apartment since you've been gone!


It was not I who did the mischief you will find!

No, I am only here to unite the two parts in one at last...


...the lonely male faucet and the lovely female knob. (Hey, I only go by what the master plumbers say.)



With the aid of just one good screw (It's right there in my hand! No snickering!),


they shall be forever united. (I mightily hope so. I do!)

And now, with this ring of metal--beautifully engraved with the words Price-Pfister--I seal this union.

What I have joined together, let no tenant put asunder.

(You may now kiss each other, and enjoy your complete working faucet from this day forward. And happily ever after).Sincerely, the Landlord



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