A SERVING OF SALMAGUNDI

There's lots of ketchup in this salmagundi, Reader Dear.  Or, you know, catch-up.  We're going all the way back toValentine's Day, just so I can show you this package I toted to the Post Office (a clear case of me showing off [my artwork] if it must be said).

And, since I'm showing off, anyway,  I might as well offer up this other postal package production, too:

Then, because I mentioned the Post Office, I've got to tell you, Dear Reader, about the  surprises that have been showing up in my mail box!  It's not rent checks of which I speak (though on rare occasions they do surprise me). No, no.  I'm talking about unlocking my Post Office box and finding two music Cds, neither one bearing any postage!

After my eyes opened wide, and my mouth said wow, I discovered they came from the far side-- the far side of my box, poked into it by the only person authorized to do so!

The Post Master, as it turns out, likes to call himself the Johnny Appleseed of Oldies Cds!  (Little did I know this when we chatted about our [mutual) high school years!)  Now I've got a growing pile of boppity-bop and sha-na-na-na.  I've got the Beatles and the Beach Boys and the Monkees.  I've got the History of Rock N' Roll.  I've got over a dozen of these Cds, received at random in my mail box!
(And they're still coming! One, two at a time.  Every other day or so.  Do the math!)



Which leads me to this:  It's serendipitous!
My former car (much as I loved it), did not have a working Cd player.
All music poured forth via the radio.  (That old-timey cassette-player sat willingly by).










When I wrecked my previous means of transportation, I had to find an update, of course.

And, as (good) luck would have it,  I ended up with a slightly-used and reasonably-priced Toyota Prius (pictured here,  sitting demurely on the used-car lot).  And can you believe it, Viewer Dear,  it's endowed with a Cd-player that accepts not one, not two, not three, but FOUR Cd's at a time!
The first time I drove this car to the post office, first gift of Cd's in my mailbox!
What did I tell you.  Serendipity!
......

Okay, now, we're at the Post Office again, Dear Viewer.  (No, I don't live there.)

It's the first day of spring, and it's the midday hour, when the postal window is closed and the Post Master is off eating his lunch somewhere (I'm only assuming).  When I hopped from my car, I spotted this Master Hopper sitting nearby, nearly motionless in the grass.  I greeted him so warmly, and wished him a happy spring, but there was no response.  He hardly moved a muscle!  

I went into the P.O., collected a Neil Diamond Cd and two bills from my mail box, came back outside and urged Master Hopper to be on his way.  "Live your life!" I counseled him.  "Time's a'wasting!"
I loitered there a while, waiting for him to run.
But he didn't.
So I did.

(more Salmagundi later,
more ketchup)

I'VE HAD SICKNESS,

pestilence, and refusal of my computer to release videos.  It's been downright discouraging!







But here, Dear Viewer, is a publicity photo and a short film entitled "Inside the Space Craft."

Produced, directed and filmed on the evening
prior to its release.

......

SNOW!

Uh...I mean to say, Snow Geese! Yesterday evening I talked The Yard Man into escorting me to the Middlecreek Wildlife Preserve, where we had heard there were Snow Geese! 
We had about a half-mile walk from the parking lot.

And a half-hour wait for the geese.

"Oh," I exclaimed to The Yard Man, "now I see why they're called 'snow geese'!  They look like snow coming down!"
......

READER DEAR, I'VE JUST DEVELOPED

 a totally effortless way to drop a few unwanted pounds!  It's called the Effingflu Weight Loss Plan and I am excited to tell you about it (relatively speaking).  Here's the thing--while other weight-shedding methods want to sell you powdered mixes and shakes and pills to pop, this plan involves nothing to ingest and no exercise routines.  It is really and truly, exactly as I stated--effortless!  One simply lies back and lets the fat fall away!  Indeed!

Right now I am going to share with you the basic concept behind the Effingflu Weight Loss Plan.  It  is simply hunger-less-ness.
(Got that, Reader Dear?  It may not be a word, but it is a concept) One doesn't get hungry while on this plan!  Lacking a sense of desire for food, one can exist on very little, perhaps a few oranges and some chicken broth.  Maybe a shot or two of whiskey.  Practically nothing! The pounds disappear quickly!  And in very little time!

I'm sure you are clamoring to find out more about this Effingflu Weight Loss Plan, are you not?  Appetite suppressants are plentiful, and we all know they are made up of chemicals that one puts into one's body.  But the secret behind this plan is an all-natural, totally-chemical-and-preservative-free way of squelching hunger.  Subsequently, of course, excess pounds simply melt away!*

Now, here, Dear Reader, is where things get really exciting for you!  I am making a one-time offer to give away this Effingflu Weight Loss Plan for ABSOLUTELY FREE!  Yes, that's what I said: You do not have to pay a dime!   Do not lose this chance to effortlessly lose weight!**

Unfortunately, shipping is not available.  This plan must be picked up in person.  This plan is strictly a one-time offer, and MAY END SHORTLY!***  Callers are on the line and on the other end of the computer, waiting to make arrangements with you for picking up your very own Effingflu Weight Loss Plan.  ACT QUICKLY!






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*These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA.  Side effects may include, but are not limited to:  shivers, shakes, chills, fever, coughing, sneezing, extreme lethargy, dry skin, dry eyes, chapped lips, dismal thoughts of growing old, hiccups.

**It is free, for heaven's sake; what do you have to lose?! (No pun intended)

***Ah, Reader Dear,  it's my sincere wish!

"SHE SUFFERED SYMPTOMS

for days before she realized she was really sick.  Then she counted it a major accomplishment to hoist herself out of bed each morning and put on clothes.  She lost interest in eating.  She lost interest in all of her normal entertainments.  She didn't do a lick of work. She spent her days lying on the couch, and coughing.  Eventually, she developed complications from the flu, and died."

Reader Dear, I am so hoping I did not write this obituary about anyone that I  know!

When I woke up and the calendar said March forth! I was able to obey.  But by March fifth, a Mack truck had started backing over me. (To tell the truth, I can't really say what kind of truck.  It could be any kind).

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