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HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED (In Which I divulge the Answer to the Unsolved Mystery of my Startling Activities Last Saturday Morning)


Some months ago--I can't say precisely when, other than to say it was long, long ago, and could have even been back in the time of spring (ah, I love to think back to those days of yore)--I spotted a small bottle of Essential Oil of Lavender on a store shelf. Thinking how the fragrance of this flowering plant has always pleased me, and remembering that the scent of lavender is supposedly an aid to sleep, I bought it and carried it home. I intended to--well, exactly what I intended to do with it, I don't recall. I suppose I was going to try dabbing a bit on my pillowcase, the better to drift into peaceful slumber. It's possible I was thinking of putting a few drops on the lightbulb in the bathroom, giving a subtle up-lift to the ambiance of that room. Whatever the case, prior to a week ago that lavender oil spent its time in a bathroom cupboard.

Now, follow me as I clean out this bathroom cupboard, Dear Reader, and sigh with exasperation. (I'm the one sighing with exasperation, but you're certainly welcome to do so as well.) Why did I buy this oil and simply squirrel it away? I carry the bottle into the bedroom and deposit it in the little dish that sits on my dresser, right by my side of the bed.

It can sit there while you take another small trip with me--further back in time, and off to another spot. On second thought, you're not so likely to enjoy this visit I'm having with my eye doctor, so why don't you just go your way. You don't need to hear me say, "What?!" in response to her odd revelation. Of course, you'll miss her reassurance, as well, "It's a fairly common occurrence--to sleep with one's eyes partly open. It'll only dry out your eyes."


Okay, hands of the clock whirl forward in time (as your brain whirls, too, Dear Reader, and the mystery unravels)...

Last Saturday I awoke very early, and closed my eyes. (They hurt, you see, when they're dry like that.) In the dark of night, I felt for my eye drops--right there in the little dish by the bed. I unscrewed the lid on the bottle.

And... I think I can honestly say: I will never enjoy the scent of lavender again!*





*Directly into my left eye, I dumped two-thirds of a bottle of Essential Oil of Lavender. I highly recommend you don't try this stunt, Dear Reader. You can't imagine how ghastly! The awful feel of it in one's eye! The wretched scent of it! And, oh--the horrid taste, which fills one's head and runs into one's throat! (Writing about it six days hence, one can feel inclined to gag!)


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Epilogue: Well, after the spitting and coughing and more spitting and coughing (I didn't want to swallow), and the nose-blowing (tears make one's nose run, you know), and the fifteen-minute shower, with water running into my eye (as per the nice woman who answered the phone at Poison Control), and the triple shampoo (would I really have lavender-scented hair my remaining years?!), and the gargling with soy milk (hey, I was desperate!)...

I threw out my pillow (if only a dab would put me to sleep, then yikes--I might even now still be sleeping!)



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